It was one of the day when I had lots of on my mind ,I knew I had long day in work ,and then 2 classes of flamenco.
Altho I experience already for couple days the anxious energy …but it was small rushing of energy .I just breath ,but not investigate ,the breath help me with releasing the energy …but not really go away.
Coming back to my day from morning I knew that it is going to be intense …and of course I tense my body even more ,and had lots of thoughts in my mind.
I was talking on the phone with friend (..I have a speaker phone in the car …..so it was legal to talk and drive …,this is what is allowed …)…I was so much in my mind that i did not made the stop in stop sign,….and then bum…the police was just behind and I receive the ticket(…the ticket with many restriction for me now….)
I was calm ,when I was stop ,but the minute he wrote me the ticket I had this rushing of energy and in my mind I was looking for someone to blame …..
Yes !!I blame the system…, then me - for being careless ,then my friend ,then so many things came to my mind…..From the anger I went to blaming …and at last victimize myself ….why Me??
Within so many emotions I want to start some forgiveness :
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not paying attention ,to not be here with breath.
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be possessed by mine emotions and feelings ,allowed them gradually be more then life.
3.i forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to leave now in fear of the consequences I create ,because I was so much in my mind .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be always emotional ,even out side I can be perceive by somebody I am calm and stable ,inside of me is like this volcano of emotions ,ready to be explode .
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not slow down ,even I felt the energy to build up in me ,to not slow down and look inside of me and writing down .
6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to have fear towards people in uniforms ,who are really acting the same way then me ,being full of emotions ,but suppressing them like I have done ll my life .
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be angry on person ,who wrote me a ticket ,to not see that this is what I am part of this ,part of creating this system ,this reality .
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to feel inferior to this whole situation ,to feel that this is too much ,instead stop ,breath and walk step by step ,and do the things I supposed to do.
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself prolong this anger towards this whole situation,to not see that this is so stupid ,because it is not a solution to this .
10.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be angry at me ,to want to punish me for the things what was happening .
11. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to wanted blame someone ,something for the this situation……,not realizing that is useless ,it does not change anything …..but keep me more hopeless as long I don't take responsibility for that.
12.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to have this strong point in me ,point of blaming someone or something if anything go wrong (…..and in life ,in this physicality always something go wrong ,because we all live in such extend in our minds ….)
13.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to went to sort of depression state ,because of this situation ,not wanted to see the reality of this situation .
14.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to have strong emotions to the words ,which are using thru some people who are in position of power in this realities ,to not seeing that this is me too,because in my life I use so many times words ,to intimidate someone ,to have my power over someone or something .
15.I commit myself to take responsibility for myself ,to take step by step in this realities ,to stop blaming ,to stop fear ……and of course it want be the easy task …..,but doing in consistency of writing out the points in self forgiving process ,slowly be more and more aware of the things inside of me ,and more and more be in awareness of this physical realities ,which is unknown to me now in this state of being possessed by so many emotions and feelings.
16.I commit myself to write more ,even if I think is maybe nit that great ,….not missing the points of writing ,which are not about how beautiful it is ,but about supporting myself in process of changing me and automatic changing this reality .
17.I COMMIT myself to work with 4 counts of breath .
thank you for reading!
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not paying attention ,to not be here with breath.
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be possessed by mine emotions and feelings ,allowed them gradually be more then life.
3.i forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to leave now in fear of the consequences I create ,because I was so much in my mind .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be always emotional ,even out side I can be perceive by somebody I am calm and stable ,inside of me is like this volcano of emotions ,ready to be explode .
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not slow down ,even I felt the energy to build up in me ,to not slow down and look inside of me and writing down .
6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to have fear towards people in uniforms ,who are really acting the same way then me ,being full of emotions ,but suppressing them like I have done ll my life .
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be angry on person ,who wrote me a ticket ,to not see that this is what I am part of this ,part of creating this system ,this reality .
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to feel inferior to this whole situation ,to feel that this is too much ,instead stop ,breath and walk step by step ,and do the things I supposed to do.
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself prolong this anger towards this whole situation,to not see that this is so stupid ,because it is not a solution to this .
10.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be angry at me ,to want to punish me for the things what was happening .
11. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to wanted blame someone ,something for the this situation……,not realizing that is useless ,it does not change anything …..but keep me more hopeless as long I don't take responsibility for that.
12.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to have this strong point in me ,point of blaming someone or something if anything go wrong (…..and in life ,in this physicality always something go wrong ,because we all live in such extend in our minds ….)
13.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to went to sort of depression state ,because of this situation ,not wanted to see the reality of this situation .
14.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to have strong emotions to the words ,which are using thru some people who are in position of power in this realities ,to not seeing that this is me too,because in my life I use so many times words ,to intimidate someone ,to have my power over someone or something .
15.I commit myself to take responsibility for myself ,to take step by step in this realities ,to stop blaming ,to stop fear ……and of course it want be the easy task …..,but doing in consistency of writing out the points in self forgiving process ,slowly be more and more aware of the things inside of me ,and more and more be in awareness of this physical realities ,which is unknown to me now in this state of being possessed by so many emotions and feelings.
16.I commit myself to write more ,even if I think is maybe nit that great ,….not missing the points of writing ,which are not about how beautiful it is ,but about supporting myself in process of changing me and automatic changing this reality .
17.I COMMIT myself to work with 4 counts of breath .
thank you for reading!
